Precious Time--Canyon County Detention Center June 2012

       In case this is the first post you're reading, I'll give a little background about me. I lived in active addiction for 20 years, and during that time, I got into legal troubles. I spent two and a half years total in jail or prison, and I wrote many journals entries in different facilities. The journal entry you are about to read was written on June 23rd, 2012, in Canyon County Detention Center (CCDC) in Caldwell, Idaho. I had just recently been arrested on attempted robbery of a pharmacy. My drug addiction had gotten me into some deep trouble, and I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me.  Prison time was most likely an outcome, and I was feeling very scared and vulnerable. I was able to use much of my time learning about the Savior and praying to Heavenly Father for strength to get me through these times. 

The entry is as follows (it begins with an excerpt from a book I was reading at the time):

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"Precious Time"

        "Sitting on the top tier of a bunk bed under a pale bulb in a jail cell in Washington, D.C., Daniel Berrigan scrawled notes in his journal. This man whose writing to me resembles that of William Faulkner, whose images burst the sentence structure, confesses, 'I hardly have words, I am not capable of expressing how deeply, with all my heart, I believe in the words of Jesus, Do not fear...I am with you.' 

        Turning to his brother, Phil, he asks, 'Can you imagine yourself apart from this promise?' Phil Berrigan says he can not. Dan agrees, 'Neither can I. It's almost like a game; watch me while I melt away, vaporize without Jesus, then describe me, the someone who was, the nothing that is" (Relentless Tenderness of Jesus, pgs. 187-188).

        This really touched me. I can relate in so many ways to this man. I have felt so much peace amidst the storms of life by knowing that Christ is always with me. I am lost and nothing without Him. Without His Atonement and the hope He brings to me, I would have given up by now.

        I've been in a jail cell before, sitting on the floor after lights-out, next to my door with only a little shaft of light coming through a food tray slot. I used this light to read my scriptures and think about the wonders of my Savior. Some may think this is a dismal situation, but to me it was precious time spent with my Lord. My surroundings brought humility and that brought my Savior. It has been during the darkest times of my life that my Savior's love has shone brightest. 

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A picture of the journal I kept at CCDC.

     I came across this journal last night, and it had been about four years since I've reviewed it. I kept it from June-August 2012 in CCDC, and I have to say, I strongly felt the Spirit as I was going through it. It was like I was almost back in that cell reliving all of the memories, both beautiful and terrifying. Journaling has always been a big part of my life, and I'm so happy that I was able to continue doing it during my incarceration. The years I spent behind bars taught me how to be strong and rely on God for everything I need. It really was precious time that I spent really getting to know who Jesus Christ is. He is my Rock, the Rock that helps through some very incredible trials. He is my Savior, the Savior who is delivering me from addiction and all the bondage of sin. I had an idea of who He is before I went to jail, but it was time spent behind bars that really helped me forge a strong connection with Him.

    If you are struggling to make this healing bond, pray that He will give you opportunities to know Him. I hope that it doesn't mean you will go to jail to do so! 😉 If you ask Him, he will give you the perfect time, path and opportunity to come unto Him. Be patient! The answers don't always come right away or in the form we expect so keep an open mind and live in a way where you can have the companionship of the Holy Spirit. He will let you know when and how God is communicating with you. Take time each day to be still and just listen. I can't emphasize how important this is to recovery and everything. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and just listen for as long as you can. Record the thoughts and impressions that come to you so you can refer to them often. Over time, any answers you are searching for will be revealed. This works for me, and I'm so grateful for the patience God has given me so I can learn this process.

    Please reach out to me at comeandrecover@gmail.com if you need support. My name is Philip, and I've been in addiction recovery for 3 years. I want to help you if I can. Click here to learn more about me and my blog. Also, please "follow" my blog from the homepage so you can keep up with new posts. I love you all and God bless!